Do you hate conflict and difficult conversations?

Do you cringe when faced with writing a difficult email or having a difficult conversation with someone?

I don’t know anyone who enjoys them.

But they’re unavoidable if we want to make progress, get things done, be understood and generally show up more authentically in the world.

The secret is to keep the listener LISTENING

If the listener is feeling attacked, they go into defensive mode and stop listening.

The key is to keep them open to what you have to say.

There is a really useful framework by Marshal Rosenberg in his book “Non Violent Communication” which I have used and shared hundreds of times.

The framework is quite simple and it goes as follows :

1. State the facts. Make sure they are facts and not a judgement or opinion. Make sure nobody can disagree with them. x,y,z has happened

2. State your feelings about the facts. Again they are YOUR feelings. I was “upset, disappointed, surprised” for example. Nobody can challenge how YOU feel.

3. Make a request. “Please can we make sure we have a system in place to ensure this doesn’t happen again”.

It stops the blaming, shaming and complaining which is ultimately futile and secondly it keeps the lines of communication open to allow for constructive dialogue.